“Quit talking business! This is important!” A shocking pronouncement coming from one’s employer! I go mum. We sit behind thick glass, watching the Chicago Blackhawks clobber the Anaheim Ducks in the final game of the series. The Hawks will win this game and go on to the coveted Stanley Cup. That is correct, sir—an opportunity for a third championship in just a few years! Continue reading HAWKS
Never mind about giving up carbs, going on the wagon, or getting in shape. These are the kind of New Year’s resolutions that are made to be broken. But that’s not to say that all resolutions are futile. If you’re looking to change the way others see and respond to you in 2014, here are three things you can start doing right away.
First, some quick background. When other people decide how they feel about you, the two qualities they’re looking for above all are “strength” and “warmth.” Strength is a person’s capacity to make things happen through a combination of skill and will. When people project strength, they command our respect. Warmth is the sense that a person shares our feelings, interests, and view of the world. When people project warmth, we like and support them.
Knowing that strength and warmth matter is one thing, but it turns out to be very hard to project both at once. This is because strength and warmth are in direct tension with each other. Most of the things we do to project strength of character—wearing a serious facial expression, flexing our biceps, or flexing our vocabulary—tend to make us seem less warm. Likewise, most signals of warmth—smiling often, speaking softly, doing people favors—can leave us seeming more submissive than strong. So with this in mind, what can you do to change the way people see you in 2014? Here are three resolutions you can definitely keep.
1. Low-Hanging Fruit: Stand Up Straight and Smile
Yes, it sounds simple to the point of simplistic, but doing these two things consistently makes a big difference in how others see you. When people meet you, they figure out how you’re feeling primarily from nonverbal cues. Posture is the #1 way to project strength—there’s a reason standing at attention is one of the first things military recruits learn in basic training—so standing tall counts for a lot. Similarly, smiling is the way we most commonly project warmth toward each other. When you smile at people, they remember the happy feeling they have when wearing that expression, even if just a little bit. So to put it simply, they will tend to like you if you smile at them because you make them feel good. If you can pair good posture with a smile, you’re already doing a decent job of projecting strength and warmth at once.
2. Um, Like, Ya Know…Own the Pause
Filler phrases such as “um,” “uh,” “like,” and “you know” serve an important conversational purpose: they are a way of saying, “I’m not done speaking yet—just hold on a second while I assemble my next sentence.” But overuse of filler detracts from perceptions of strength, especially in, like, professional settings. While different setting have varying expectations, heavy use of filler signals some combination of youth, inexperience, informality, and lack of polish.
Overcoming this habit requires owning the pause between words or sentences. The trick is to practice leaving silences, and notice the effect that these pauses have on the people who are listening. The point is not just to speak without the filler—it is to learn to use those pauses. The best way to rid your own speech of filler is to record yourself speaking and then force yourself to listen to it. It can make you cringe, but in this case that is a good thing: That uncomfortable feeling is your subconscious rewiring itself to cut out that behavior. This is the surest route to reform. Beyond the painful exercise of listening to your own voice, practice using pauses when speaking in social settings like lunch conversations rather than reserving this for high-pressure occasions when you’re likely to be a little nervous anyway. Once the habit takes hold, then you can turn it on and off in different settings.
3. Strike a (Power) Pose When people win big competitions, they feel powerful and elated, and they naturally get big, raising their arms in triumph, sometimes jumping, sometimes raising their heads and puffing out their chests as well. This is consistent across cultures. If you want a little shot of that feeling, all you have to do is adopt that posture and wait a minute or two for the hormones in your blood to catch up. (How powerful is this effect? Amy Cuddy and Caroline Wilmuth of Harvard University and Dana Carney of the University of California and ran a very clever study to find out. Check out Amy’s amazing TED talk.)
Anytime you are heading into a stressful situation, adopting a power pose a few minutes in advance will help make that happen. Whether it is a date, a doctor’s appointment, or a tough conversation with a coworker or a friend, a little less cortisol and a little extra testosterone will help you steer things to the conclusion you want. (In case you’re wondering, this is true for both men and women.)
Putting this into practice does not require any imagination at all: Just stretch and hold a big position for a minute or so to give your glands time to adjust your blood composition—you can often feel a tingle as it happens. Stretching across the upper chest seems to be especially helpful, and stretching out your limbs and shoulder and neck muscles in general to release tension is also a good idea.
So before your next big meeting or big date, stretch yourself out (in private) in a powerful pose for a couple minutes. Make it a habit to stand up straight and smile. And when you’re searching for the perfect word, own the pause rather than filibustering with filler. If you do all three of these things consistently, people will see you differently.
Matthew Kohut is the co-author of Compelling People: The Hidden Qualities That Make Us Influential (Hudson Press, 2013).
- New Year’s Resolutions and the Demotion of the Word Resolve (marjorie923.wordpress.com)
- The Buddha’s Four New Year’s Resolutions. (elephantjournal.com)
- Non-Verbal Communications: The Underutilized Skill (prnewsonline.com)
- 5 Stupid New Year’s Resolutions We Make (And 3 Tips on Making Next Year Count) (joegirard.ca)
- My New Years Resolution is… To Keep My New Years Resolution (nicolabourne.wordpress.com)
- Some New Year’s Resolutions for Our Favorite TV Characters (thewire.com)
- Not So New, New Year’s Resolutions (jessblogsaboutstuff.wordpress.com)
- Angel (lneasbitt.wordpress.com)
- New years resolution ? (sweetpositveus.wordpress.com)
- 10 Most Mesmerizing Leadership Moves To Make Before 2014 (lifehack.org)
One of the all time most popular New Year Resolutions is to Lose Weight. While it is a fine and lofty goal, unfortunately, it is quite unlikely to be attained.
Gazing into the crystal void of a brand new year, riding a high of motivation, many of us head off to the gym, jump on the scales, count the calories and say to ourselves, “this time it is going to work”.
Then, a few weeks later, the tide of normal life-pressures come flooding back to drown our commitment. We have to work late. We have to get the kids to after-school activities. One day, perhaps to de-stress from a busy day, we might wander into the pub, order a hamburger — ah, to heck with, add some fries with that — and our resolve is dashed. The diet and fitness regime is put off for another time — next year for sure — and the bad old habits return. Soon, we are right back where we started from: overfed, overstressed and under-exercised. Sound familiar? You’re not alone. This was me, year after year after year.
Last year, however, was very different. I did lose a ton of weight and I did get fitter — much, much fitter. I stuck with my plan for the entire year and integrated healthy eating and exercise habits into everyday life.
What did I do differently? I moved the goal posts.
The problem for me in all those failed years was that according to the Goal Commitment Scale (PDF) my resolution was too weak. Losing Weight was rated, “I think this is a good goal to shoot for”, while it should have been rated, “I am strongly committed to pursuing this goal”. Quite frankly, the goal of Losing Weight was never going to become a strong goal for me, it was just not energising enough, not exciting enough.
My goal posts shifted when I signed up for my first marathon. It seemed a near-impossible goal at the time. I had a year in which to progress from struggling to run just a few kilometres to enduring 42 kilometres. I had paid my entry fee and travel deposit. I had committed to raising a lot of money for charity. I had announced my goal to all my friends and business associates. I had started a blog. I was not just strongly committed, I was manacled to this goal — I had way too much face to lose if I failed.
I did achieve my goal and it felt amazing. It was one of the most successful and enjoyable years of my life. Weight loss was a byproduct: I overcame obesity and metabolic syndrome in the process of striving for an audaciously larger goal.
Paradoxically, it seems that the most difficult goals produce the highest levels of effort and performance. So this year, why not give yourself a big hairy audacious goal: sign up for marathon, or a triathlon, or a mountain climb — something that is right at the edge of your capability, something that energises you, something that is bigger than the everyday pressures of life?
A couple in their 60’s have completed a run around Australia, that is 15,500 km—one Marathon per day for 365 days.
- Resolutions & Goals (iveynutritionandwellness.wordpress.com)
- Keeping Your New Year’s Resolutions (mettahu.wordpress.com)
- Failure to Lose Weight – Are These the Reasons You Lack Motivation (weight-loss-tips-and-secrets.com)
- Want to lose weight and feel great? Ask Me How! (Actually, don’t. I’ll just tell you.) (motormommy.wordpress.com)
- Achieving Your Goal For the New Year (soulfulnugget.com)
- How to Make a New Year’s Resolution You Can Stick To (fabnewme.wordpress.com)
- Preparing for the Future (newauthors.wordpress.com)
- It’s that time of the year: New Year’s Resolutions (foxyolive.wordpress.com)
- 10 Ways to Stick to Your Fitness Resolution(s) (coffeefitnesslife.com)
- Down With New Year’s Resolutions! (ucaftercruz.com)
See original article at http://smplme.wordpress.com/
The joy of setting lofty goals
So often when we set a goal, we set an impossibly large goal, and it makes us feel good — doesn’t it?
I don’t enjoy reading much though I know I should do more of it, so I’ll set the goal of reading the great classics in philosophy.
My partner and I have fallen into a rut and lost our sense of adventure, so we’ll set the goal of doing something adventurous every week.
We feel good when we set these ambitious goals because at the starting line, before we’ve gotten wet, cracked open Aristotle’s “Nichomachean Ethics”, or jumped out of an airplane holding our lover’s hand… it all seems to be within reach. We see the possibilities and we already feel the success when we pack our bathing suit for a morning swim, when we enter the used bookstore to grab a classic, and when we think about all of the adventures that lie ahead. It’s because the work hasn’t started yet. It’s because we haven’t yet taken stock of where we truly are in this moment, and just how far away these ambitious goals are from this place.
When the work starts, and our distance from the end goal becomes painfully apparent, we find ourselves feeling discouraged, and we stop. Too much uncertainty lies between our starting place and where we want to end up, and it becomes easier to envision our failure rather than our success. To make this realization less painful, we begin to speak within ourselves, convincing ourselves that the problem was not us, nor was it our approach to achieving the goal — the problem was the goal itself. As a result, we don’t experience the rush of a successful triathlon completion, we don’t fill our minds with some of humanity’s greatest ideas, and our relationship remains stale.
Worse yet, the pain this should cause us fades with time, because we become someone that hates the water, has no need for lofty ideas, and our relationship is fine the way it is because we’ve found what we like and we stick to it.
My own failure
The first example regarding swimming is a personal example, so I’ll speak to that.
I have had many false starts on my path to becoming a stronger swimmer. It starts with me being inspired by watching an expert glide effortlessly through the water. I then set a goal to swim just like that. I research and purchase the gear that will help me get there. I get to the pool. I find myself gasping helplessly after one or two laps of inefficient swimming, my enthusiasm fizzles, and I convince myself that I am not cut out for this and so it would be best if I stick to what I am already good at.
Read more – > https://medium.com/better-humans/1fc879091b36
- 2013 Triathlon Season In Review: The Swim (chatterdoesfitness.wordpress.com)
- The time has come! (triathlon4afrika.wordpress.com)
- 2013 Triathlon Season In Review – The Start Part 1 (chatterdoesfitness.wordpress.com)
- Sylvain Estadieu’s English Channel Butterfly – Part 6 – Le Français Volant (loneswimmer.com)
- Heart and Soles: Katie (solefulmamas.com)
- Swim Clinic Recap (korriehicks.wordpress.com)
- Friday Five: Triathlon Blogs To Love (yousignedupforwhat.com)
- When I Turn 40 I Want To….. Goals and Dreams (chatterdoesfitness.wordpress.com)
- How to train for a triathlon (voxxi.com)
- Wannabe Swimmer (fitnessandfrozengrapes.com)
Each week, I hear from people who say things like, “I start with good intentions, but I can’t seem to maintain my consistency for a long period of time.”
Or, they will say, “I struggle with mental endurance. I get started but I can’t seem to follow through and stay focused for very long.”
Don’t worry. I’m just as guilty of this as anyone else.
For example, I’ll start one project, work on it for a little bit, then lose focus and try something else. And then I’ll lose focus on my new goal and try something else. And on and on. When everything is said and done, I’ve stopped and started so many times that I never really made much progress.
Maybe you have felt this way too.
This problem reminds me of a lesson I learned while working out one day…
Read more – > https://medium.com/the-blog-of-james-clear/6ff0a0bc0dc8
- A creative year (harvestinghecate.wordpress.com)
- How To Stay Focused When You Get Bored Working Toward Your Goals (thoughtcatalog.com)
- Goal Setting (barbsfitublog.wordpress.com)
- Fighting a Losing Battle (thenotdyinggirl.com)
- How To Stay Focused When You Get Bored Working Toward Your Goals (inksplatis.wordpress.com)
- How To Stay Focused When You Get Bored Working Toward Your Goals (socialmediabutterflyblog.wordpress.com)
- How To Stay Focused When You Get Bored Working Toward Your Goals (wordtransfuser.com)
- Spinning Around (sarahmluse.wordpress.com)
- Three Reasons Leaders Should Remember Their Dreams (leadershipspirit.wordpress.com)
- Motivation Magic! (connectionscoaching.me)