PAVLOVIAN PT


Knee TLoop Lonagan

Ever’body’s gettin’ new knees, new hips, and what not. It’s an epidemic of elective surgery. And I’m talkin’ big money. An investor definitely wants in on a trend like this, but what’s da best play?

Take Jonelis, my good friend and boss. Da guy up ‘n’ gets two brand new knees—AT DA SAME TIME! Seems crazy, don’t it? What’s he s’posed to use fer legs?

So right away I gotta play bigshot. I invite John to my penthouse fer da whole rest ‘n’ recovery thing. Yeah, you guessed it—I wanna play Da Good Samaritan over Christmas. I figure they’s gonna carry him in on a stretcher ‘n’ I’ll be da hero that arranges fer all sorts o’ people t’ help out while he’s bedridden. Shows how much I know.

Two 2 Knees

Sometimes a guy gets faced with his own ignorance. Know what I mean? After two days, Jonelis checks outa da hospital and walks right into my place under his own steam. He’s accepting my offer. He’s stickin’ here fer da whole six weeks! My penthouse is now his personal spa!

I put ‘im in the biggest guest room—the one with a view o’ Da Lake AND da Chicago skyline. Then my dog Clamps deserts me and moves in with him.

IMG_7172 e

Next thing you know, tradesmen start showin’ up, gettin’ in da way o’ my Christmas decorating crew.

  • A plumber replaces da toilet with a throne near as tall as a barstool.
  • Movers install an electric reclining bed that tilts his legs 30 degrees above horizontal.
  • A carpenter shows up and installs cushioned tables, parallel bars, stairs that go nowhere, da works. Sure my penthouse is real big, but now I got a physical therapy facility insteada my dance floor. And 300 guests is coming.
  • Then six huge exercise machines show up ‘n’ lots o’ furniture gets shoved back t’ make room.
  • Then startlingly beautiful women show up unannounced.

One ‘o deeze ladies comes with da single-minded mission of assuring John’s wellbeing. She does all da stuff a nurse does—temperature, blood pressure, blood tests. She inspects his incisions. Does she shrink back in horror? No! “These are healing beautifully!” she exclaims with obvious ‘n’ genuine delight. They look like big sloppy wounds t’ me, but she’s da expert. And dis is da best dressed nurse I ever seen. No clunky white shoes. Shows up here in a real short skirt ‘n’ blouse cut way too low. I don’t think she wears underwear. I ask her on da sly if that’s da way all nurses dress nowadays. She blushes ‘n’ says, “It’s for the encouragement of the patient.” Hey, I feel encouraged, but she skips outa da door before I can take action.

And all da time, da purest narcotics is close at hand, should the whim lead to such pleasures. Oodles ‘n’ oodles of ‘em. And they’s all legal! And if you don’t like that, they got Acapulco Gold.

Blue Pills 2sw - JAJ

Did I mention da other woman? This one’s a long-legged exotic Asian gal, ready fer action in skintight leotards—a different color ‘n’ pattern every day. She’s PT—physical therapy. And she exercises with him—IN BED!

I ask her, “Why all dat equipment on da dance floor if you do yer work in bed?”

Her reply is matter of fact: “He’s still in the healing phase. The training phase comes later.”

Okay, but couldn’t they wait till he’s ready t’ set up all that equipment? Da way I see it, I’m stuck without a dance floor fer da big Christmas bash.

I peek in ‘n’ watch part o’ da session. Oh, the amazing positions she bends his legs! “Does this hurt?” she coos. Then she gushes shamelessly over the smallest physical accomplishments. I gotta admit, there’s no room fer a guy t’ indulge in self-pity under such circumstances, ‘n’ dat’s what makes her technique so effective. When this gal gets done, not only is a John’s body worked though da paces, but he’s under da delusion he’s Superman. Is there any bigger boost to da male ego than praise from a gorgeous, sexy, and intelligent female?

She covers his knees in ice, and is gone.

So I phone his wife, but she knows all about it. She says:

  • “These are professionals. What’s the harm in it?”
  • “It keeps him from slacking off on his PT.”
  • “It gets him out of the house and out of my hair.”
  • “What business is it o’ yours anyway, Loop Lonagan?”

Yeah, she tells me off real good. Sheesh! I feel like a heel.

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I gotta ask myself, where did John find this combination outpatient therapy and modeling agency? I mean, these gals is likely t’ raise da spirits o’ any normal guy. I can sure see how they do a lot fer da morale of a patient just outa major surgery. I look in on John after she leaves. His hand trails down and scratches Clamps’ behind da ears. And all da time his eyes is gently closed, a big dumb grin on his kisser.

Both o’ these gals wear a cute heart-shaped logo. They’s from a new startup company called Pavlovian PT and they plan to take physical therapy to new levels. I’m definitely taking da plunge on dis one. Maybe even get a joint replaced in da cause o’ research.

A half hour later, a buxom Swedish blond wrapped in a big white towel with da same logo peeks outa da bathroom door. Time fer a hot shower ‘n’ Swedish massage! I recognize Hilda from last year’s Christmas party. Wish I had a peek at what goes on in dat big bathroom.

Later, over coffee, I learn she’s da CEO o’ this startup ‘n’ John himself set her up in business before he did the operation. I gotta admit, sometimes Jonelis knows what he’s doin’.

So go ahead—go out and have that operation. Then call Pavlovian PT. What’s stoppin’ you? Insurance pays for it all. Seems t’ me, with these kinda benefits, It’s gonna get real hard to keep ‘em out of the operating rooms.

And an old tune plays in da back o’ my head:

♪♪ How ya gonna keep ‘em down on the farm?

Now that they seen Broad—waaaaaaay! ♪♪

 

Chicago Venture Magazine is a publication of Nathaniel Press www.ChicagoVentureMagazine.com Comments and re-posts in full or in part are welcomed and encouraged if accompanied by attribution and a web link. This is not investment advice. We do not guarantee accuracy. It’s not our fault if you lose money.

.Copyright © 2015 John Jonelis – All Rights Reserved

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THE DRAGON LADY AND THE BIG BAD DUCK


The Donald T

By John Jonelis

“Tell me a story, Uncle Loop.”

“Okay Princess, that’s what I’m here for. First let’s get you all tucked in and ready fer bed.” Loop Lonagan sits back in the chair and opens the news app on his phone. “Let’s see what we got here.” He runs down the headlines.

  • “GANG SHOOTING ON HALSTED—No that’ll just get ya all riled up.”
  • “TERRORISTS ABDUCT CHILDREN—Nope. Too scary.”
  • “LOCAL REP ACCUSED OF EMBEZZLEMENT—”

“What’s ‘bezelment, Uncle Loop?”

“Ferget it kid. Way too boring . Here’s another one.”

  • “TRUMP IN BED WITH CLINTON—”

The small voice turns suddenly shrill. “That one! Read me that one, Uncle Loop. It’s a bedtime story.”

“I dunno, kid. It’s politics. Yer daddy and mommy’ll kill me.”

“Please, Uncle Loop. PLEEEEEEZE!” Continue reading THE DRAGON LADY AND THE BIG BAD DUCK

RAW TALENT


Sharks Tby John Jonelis

Ever want to be a Shark on the popular reality TV show? Wish you controlled a billion dollar investment account? Wonder what it’s like? I’m here at Chicago’s 1871 incubator doing it. Emotions run high. Hey, mine are running away with me. That guy on the end keeps grabbing all the deals! Continue reading RAW TALENT

CROSSTOWN CLASSIC


Baseball from MS Word T

by John Jonelis

Here in Chicago, we’re blessed with two professional baseball teams. I root for them both—yes, for me it’s Chicago against the world. But how many fans do that? Almost nobody, right? Whenever I betray my crosstown allegiance, people look at me cross-eyed.

. Continue reading CROSSTOWN CLASSIC

HOW TO TREAT THE OLD MAN


20150624-_JAJ0962by John Jonelis

Here’s the right way to treat your old man: For Father’s Day, take him where you’ll boat 437 hard-fighting fish and a trophy of a lifetime in four days. That’s 3.7 minutes per fish – 92% of them Northern Pike. Maybe the Old Man’s memory isn’t showing signs of improvement lately, but he’ll remember this trip the rest of his days. Continue reading HOW TO TREAT THE OLD MAN

Buy More than Big Stuff with Online Shopping Coupons


It’s no surprise the people use online discount codes, coupons and deals to purchase big items every day. Word has gotten around to look for these online before making any large purchase. Smart shoppers know it is practically standard practice to get at least free shipping or 10% off an order using an online coupon for mega-orders. However, smaller items like stationery, accessories and even cell phone plans have coupons and discounts available at couponcodeday.com, too.

One merchant innovating with coupons on our site is Paperless Post. Their service allows customers to create event invitations including envelopes and then send them to the inboxes of friends, all for free and all online. Customers can also put them on social networks and let people promote their event by sharing the invitations. Paperless Post creates links for buyers to post on blogs or in comments, too. Their discount and coupon links come in handy for selecting upgrades to basic invitation packages.

A completely different type of online stationery store, Fine Stationery offers stationery designed by over 100 vendors. These include brand names like Crane & Co., Cid Pear, kate spade, William Arthur, Prentiss Douthit and more. Customers choose from a complete line of stationery for every occasion, using coupons and discounts of course. Birth announcements, wedding invitations and cards for all occasions are here with new designers and products added regularly to keep loyal customers coming back for more.

For something different in the cell phone world, try Republic Wireless after checking for discounts and coupons at couponcodeday. Republic provides wireless service starting under $20.00 a month, using wireless hotspots as the first choice of connection for calls. Domestic roaming is free, and clients never have to purchase minutes. There are no contracts, and there is no confusing language to decode. Simply use an Android phone, sign up with a couponcodeday.com discount, and start communicating.

Finally, check out 6pm with some coupons. They have all your favorite brands of accessories, shoes, clothes, backpacks and bags. Their prices are already low, and shipping is always free. Imagine getting designer clothes, the best athletic gear and high style at great discounts thanks to the coupons at couponcodeday.com/stores/6pm/. Check out these deals to see for yourself!

Next time to shop online, every time you shop online, remember to check for coupons and discounts first! Keep that window open in your browser, so you are ready with the savings as soon as you need them. Happy shopping!

HAWKS


Hawk Logo_JAJ0561by Mark T. Wayne

“Quit talking business! This is important!” A shocking pronouncement coming from one’s employer! I go mum. We sit behind thick glass, watching the Chicago Blackhawks clobber the Anaheim Ducks in the final game of the series. The Hawks will win this game and go on to the coveted Stanley Cup. That is correct, sir—an opportunity for a third championship in just a few years! Continue reading HAWKS

How can a holding investment firm help your business?


When you’re in business, you’re always looking at ways to improve it, by developing new products and services, providing excellent delivery for customers, and building trust with both suppliers and your consumers.

That’s your day-to-day work – building the business and making profits that not only pay a dedicated workforce but also give you money to invest – so where should you look when you want to invest and make good returns? Can a holding company investment firm help your business?

Holding companies explained

If you’re thinking of investing in a holding company, then you need to understand exactly what they do and how they could make your investment work profitably.

Holding companies don’t have any operations or activities and don’t have any other active business. They own assets and thus can have shares in a wide range of other businesses. For example, a holding company could have investments in publicly traded stocks, in song rights or brand names, could be involved with limited liability companies or hedge funds. Any business that has value could be something a holding company might invest in.

What can your business get out of an investment like this?

Research your options

As a business owner, you’ll know that investments can be risky as well as extremely lucrative when they work well. You could invest in your own portfolio of stocks and shares and pay an advisor to manage that, but you’re always at the mercy of the markets.

When you’re considering investing in a holding company, you need to find out exactly where they invest and what the returns from those investments are – and what you will get back from your investment.

A holding company gets its money from interest, rents and dividends, so you need to check how it has performed over a number of years. If you decide to invest in a holding company, you should be looking to the long term rather than the short term. These are businesses that are locked into the way they perceive the future of the companies they invest in and, although they will take some risks, they know that they need to convince other businesses to invest in them.

A case study

There are many holding companies that have major investors, and M1 Group is one that has developed a wide range of successful businesses through hard work and developing investments in areas such as construction and, in particular, telecommunications. The company has attracted many millions of subscribers to Investcom, and has interests in aviation, real estate, retail and fashion as well as the energy business and industry.

The company’s business model in diversifying and attracting new investors has helped it move towards building an increasingly attractive organisation for businesses to invest in. You can find out more about them at M1 Group on LinkedIn.

Investing with care

Investing always has risks; you take them and then live with them. Holding companies have such diverse holdings, carefully sourced and managed, that if you want to invest with one, then with the proper research, you could be on to a winner.

KIDNAPPED


Clamps and Bone TBy Mark T. Wayne

Weeks have passed since my last conscious memory. Weeks, I say! A man can lose his hat and perhaps even his pants, but to lose several weeks is inexcusable. Think what mischief might transpire over such a span of time!

I find myself crammed in the back seat of a slow moving vehicle on an unfamiliar and crowded freeway. How did I get here? I know the date by the prominent display on that infernal wireless device issued me by my employer. Continue reading KIDNAPPED

How Technology Can Influence Social Change


There are currently 1.393 billion monthly active users on Facebook and roughly a billion registered Twitter users. To put this is in perspective, if Facebook were a country, it would be the most populous nation on Earth. Because social media tools and platforms have made it so simple to produce and broadcast a message via smartphone, the faces of activism, journalism and humanitarian efforts have been changed dramatically. Let’s take a look at some of the more remarkable instances where technology has enabled people to get their ideas out to the world and influence social change.shutterstock_272659268

The Haiti 2010 Earthquake

When a 7.0-magnitude earthquake hit Haiti on Jan. 17, 2010, it killed about 220,000 people, destroyed hundreds of thousands of homes, and left roughly 30,000 commercial buildings destroyed in its wake. As soon as word got out on Facebook and Twitter, fundraising support campaigns were launched to support the American Red Cross relief efforts. CNN Money reports the American Red Cross was able to raise about $7 million for Haiti in 24 hours via $10 text donations. Because this money was raised so quickly, the American Red Cross was able to provide an influx of support to the Haitian people.

The Arab Spring 2010

In 2010 when Egypt, Tunisia, Libya and many other Arab nations were experiencing political unrest, it was one of the first times in history when average citizens could share their experiences directly with people across the world via Twitter and Facebook, rather than being remediated by a news organization. Young people in Europe and America were able to connect with the youth involved in the conflicts of the Arab Spring, which fostered a social rapport. Much of the Western world became more invested in the outcome of the Middle East’s political struggles.

One University of Washington study found that tweets about political change went from 2,300 a day to 230,000 a day during the week of former Egyptian President Honsi Mubarak’s resignation. Throughout the period of instability in the Middle East, traditional news organizations struggled to keep up with the exchanges happening online, and people grew more accustomed to finding their news from social media sites and other alternative sources.

The Hong Kong 2014 Protests

In 2014, thousands of Hong Kong citizens took to the streets to protest a Beijing proposal that would restrict any anti-Chinese Communist Party members from running for office. The activists used Facebook to share videos and photos and an application called WhatsApp, which enabled users to send text messages, images, videos, user location and audio messages across different cellular platforms. Most innovative of all was the use of an application called FireChat, which won the Interactive Innovation Award at this year’s South by Southwest conference, according to the Dish Network blog. FireChat enables phones to create their own network outside of the Internet via Bluetooth technology. Unlike mobile and internet networks that become sluggish or break down completely when users overload the system, the Bluetooth network created by FireChat actually gains strength as more people join. With their creative use of technology, Hong Kong protesters were able to coordinate their movement and stay organized while the occupy-style demonstrations continued for over three months.

Technology News, Startup Information & Social Networking

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